“Single ka?” “Uyyy bat ka single!?” “Ganda mo naman, pero ba’t wala kang boyfriend?!”
At least once in our lives, we have been asked with these stupid questions that seem to judge us for being single. For some reason, being single has a negative or sad connotation. For some people, maybe being single makes them feel alone and lonely. But in my opinion, I think being single is not a negative thing nor a sad situation to be in. I believe we need to change this perception. We shall remember that not everyone who is in a relationship is genuinely happy and satisfied. Meanwhile, not because someone is single, it does not mean that he or she is miserable.
I believe being single is a privilege. It is a chance to reflect on our past mistakes, to learn from our former selves, to heal from the old wounds that constantly give us pain, to grow and become the better version of ourselves.
It’s actually been a year since me and my ex broke up from a long 6-year relationship. It was more than devastating, and I must say it wasn’t a happy ending on my part. For the longest time, I’ve never really been single until that moment. I was always in a serious long term relationships way back then- my ex and I’s relationship being the longest. Honestly speaking, it was really hard for me to cope up with singleness. But this occurrence in my life gave me a fun, meaningful, enlightening year. And if you ask me today, I’d tell you: bring on another year!!
Go. Grow. Glow.
Remember in grade school when we were taught about the basic food groups that we needed to sustain proper diet and energy? Well, I will try to incorporate these three categories to the positive impacts of being single without mentioning or relating anything to carbohydrates, proteins, fruits, or vegetables.
Is there something you have always been meaning to do alone but you are hesitant or doubtful that you are capable of doing it because all your life, you have been with this one person who keeps you company? Well then, I’m telling you now: GO.
Go ahead and do it. There should not be anything or anyone that can stop you from chasing your happiness.
It might be scary to think about it but you might be surprised at how things will turn out. I understand that sometimes, you may think you cannot do things alone—things that you used to do with someone before. You might be hesitant or scared, which is totally okay. But try to assess your situation. Try to see if you are really determined to go after this one thing. Believe me when I say that being alone is liberating. You might have done something before, but doing something alone will make it seem like the first time all over again. You will end up having a better experience than before. Sometimes, you may also be unsuccessful at trying to be happy and instead, you just end up remembering a lot of things that you do not want to. And that’s okay, too. You’re brave for trying. Whatever the outcome is, you will realize that you have grown after the experience. That’s what matters.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Just go. And then, GROW.
Help yourself GROW. Learn new things. Improve your skills. Be better. This is an opportunity to actually discover yourself and find out that you are so much more than you thought you were. Hone your hobbies, create beautiful things, build relationships. Being alone helps us reflect. This reflection often leads us to realizations that can help us improve our lives. Sometimes, when being with someone especially for a long period of time, we tend to lose track of the things that help us grow as individuals. We block the world and focus on working on the romantic relationship that sometimes, we forget that we should be working on ourselves, too. And the best way to make up for all the time that we denied ourselves of attention, love, and forgiveness is to actually focus on ourselves. Focus on the things that help us become better. Listen to what our mind, body, and soul tell us. Use this time to enhance every aspect of our lives—mental, physical, and emotional.
And finally, after working on becoming a better person, it’s time for the last step: GLOW.
Let yourself GLOW. Practice self-care and find inner peace. Being alone does not equate to being lonely. Solitude does not mean you are blocking everyone away from your life, it means distancing yourself and searching your way back. It is healing and becoming the person you really are. Self-care is not moping around or slacking off. Self-care is not laziness. It is not just an excuse to treat ourselves and do something that makes us feel better. If we think of it that way, we might be afraid of doing it. But we should not be afraid of it, we should not get away from it. Self-care is necessary. Rest is important. Taking a break helps us to reconnect with our inner beings. It enables us to be a better person so we can be better towards other people, too. It does not just affect us, it can also be impactful to the people we surround ourselves with. Sometimes, when we are constantly tired and worked up, we end up being grumpy. In turn, we become mean or rude to others unintentionally. It happens. So, go and binge watch your favorite show to make you feel good. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Believe me, it does help. It makes you feel happy and regenerated. Do everything you can to uplift your spirits. This is a time to heal, a time to shine, a time to be the most beautiful versions of ourselves, a time to be radiant, a time to glow.
In my case, being in a long-term relationship is one of the things in my life that I am most grateful for. I have learned a lot from it and I definitely have no regrets. Everything I have gone through is now part of my life forever and I have no intention of going back in time to change any of it. But getting out of a long-term relationship is another thing. It is one of the most difficult decisions I had to do. It’s like someone has disassembled me and then after being torn down to pieces, I tried to put myself back together. I tried to fix it myself but somehow, I never was the same as before. In fact, I never was the same again. But I eventually got better and in the end, I did fix it. I was able to put myself back together. I may not be the same person as I was before, but I am better now. Being single after a long time has taught me to embrace my true self. Accepting who I am is liberating. For the past year, I picked up a lot of lessons from traveling and meeting new friends and spending more time with my family and strengthening bonds that I have overlooked before. Like many of you, I got lost, too. I lost track of everything that was keeping me intact. I barely had the will to keep going. But I did my best to turn the situation into something that will define my purpose. I put all my effort and time into finding myself. I cannot say that I am in a perfectly good place right now, I am still working my way to get there—but I have never been better.
Someday soon, you will meet someone who will make you feel like loving yourself is the most effortless thing in the world. Until then, stay wherever you are happy. Stop letting the term single prevent you from attaining happiness. Remember: Go. Grow. Glow.
As for you who is reading this: Take your time. Healing is a process and it is not achieved by forcing yourself to be okay. It is okay to feel down and lonely and alone. Dealing with bad days may be tough, but surviving them will teach you how to be stronger. You have to embrace it in order to fully accept the pain and learn from it. Most of all, it is not a competition of who gets over faster. Moving on is undergoing a process of forgiveness and acceptance. Let your past mistakes go. They do not define who you are. Trust me, it will soon be all right. The pain will go away and you will wake up one day, feeling fully recovered and happy. It will come. So hold on tight.